Today, I don't know what to say anymore and I may not had made excuses out loud but from what I hear from my mom, I must really suck. I got dropped out of college for a year and half due to money I owe for dropping a class and I had yet to find a job or something to pay it off.
My greatest concern is that even if I do find a job and something to do with my time so that I won't get in everyone's nerves, it won't be enough to pay for my debts even with arrangements. I am one of little patience and so will be my employers, I just don't know if I can endure days of work with no money insight.
I know won't get the jobs I want immediately nor will I always enjoy it yet in my conversations with my parents, I am almost afraid to leave the house if I have to endure my bosss being on me or my coworkers. Finding a job isn't easy, it will take me awhile and I don't have that time anymore.
Also, I have no experience and most jobs rewuire some form of experence yet I cannot get experience without a job. I am in a paradox, I am trapped in a mess of my own making and I can only get myself out because nobody is going to help me if I don't help msyelf.
This sucks and going in the "real world" is goign to be scary becaus eI will be out of my comfort zone. I will not be able to do the things I want again and most of all, it is going to be a long while before I land anything and no one is just going to hand me a job. It doesn't work that way.
The economy sucks but it isn't the economy's fault that I am in this. I just don't know how long I will hold out and I keep gettign thoughts suicide but it is not as though family has money for a coffin. The only thign keeping me sane is my own habits but otherwise I might as well just eat moth balls.
I am just lazy and they are right but they keep bringing up that I am twenty two years old and other more successful people are building rockets, finding a cure for cancer and what not. I just don't know if I can keep it up anymore.
My parents had been trying to get under my skin to get me angry at them and so far it didn't work as they hoped. I am concerned, I am not hikkorimori and I do leave the house but how bad is it out there? It is going to be awhile before I and anything so I might as well keep trying before I land something.
I need money, I don't care if its loans, grants, bribery or even stolen money. I need it but it is goign to be awhile before I get anything.