i seem to be some sort of malfunctioning machine.
i have extremely poor hearing.
i have to use earphones or turn my speakers up incredibly loud at all times.
it makes the night difficult.
i cannot read anything that isn't double spaced or more than two pages.
every letter melts together, every word becomes a gray blob as my eyes move through a paragraph.
eventually the entire page begins to flash and invert, and i can't keep looking anymore because i get unbearable headaches.
i've been undergoing many major medication changes.
medication has been everyone's answer to every problem i have ever had.
i do not believe that will ever change.
i cannot seem to admit anything positive about myself to anyone... especially myself.
when i see myself, i think of a waste of skin. others seem to see someone worthwhile.
i look at my own work as garbage, while others enjoy it.
there are rare times when i make myself happy... which usually end up with me feeling bad about showing off too much.
it's been said that i am developmentally disabled... my central nervous system could be up to six years younger than my physical age.
through my entire life, i've been grabbed and guided through every situation, mocked and nagged until i did things correctly.
everything that i've done for myself has been somehow related to a pointless hobby. this always comes with a slight touch of shame.
it's time i gave up.