Battenburg the hatches, people! A hurricane of puns is approaching off the port bow!
The Cakepocalypse is Upon Us
[spoiler]RPM City, Xhai's Group's Headquarters
Xhai followed the sound of angry voices to the training room set up at the back of the group's new headquarters. Upon opening the door, he found Ky pressed up against the far wall, the point of Leo's sword pressed against his throat by an upset looking knight. Leo herself, he'd guess, if the ghostly-looking Saden standing a short distance away was any indication.
Steeling himself, he stepped forward to try and defuse the situation. "What happened?"
Saden responded, her expression hard to read. "I was training, and Ky came in to watch. I was fine with that, but then he said I had a nice ass and Leo just sort of....." She trailed off, unsure as to whether she should be happy about the apparent compliment or upset about the fact he'd been ogling her again.
Xhai shot a flat look at Ky. "Really? Again with this?"
Ky gave a shaky smile, still painfully aware of the swordpoint digging into his neck. "What? She does."
Leo's scowl only deepened at that. "I would thank you to keep your observations to yourself in the future. Saden's body is not something to be drooled over like a hunk of meat. You are fortunate she pleaded with me not to take your head as due recompense."
Ky relaxed slightly, but immediately tensed up again when Leo shifted her weight forward, the sword now digging deep enough to draw blood. "I did not say I had forgiven you. You have insulted my honour one time too many with your crude remarks. I demand some form of restitution."
There was brief silence as Ky mentally sifted through Leo's archaic speech pattern to figure out what she was saying. "I'm....sorry?"
Leo's tone dropped a level. "Not good enough. I shall grant you one more chance before I end this charade in a manner befitting a knight."
Noting Xhai's confused look, Saden leaned over and helpfully whispered. "Honour duel." Xhai blinked as comprehension flooded him.
With Leo this angry, Ky would get his ass handed to him.
The not-quite-a-reploid seemed to have reached the same conclusion, and blurted out the first thing that came into his head following that realization. "I'll treat you to dinner."
Leo narrowed her eye, regarding him cooly. The offer had some merit. She'd been pleased beyond words the first time Saden had offered to let her sit-in during a meal at the Temple, and Ky, for all his faults, often knew of the best places to eat and drink in any area they might visit. She'd honestly forgotten just how good proper cooked food could be. Spending most of your "life" as a ghost wasn't all excitement, after all. A quick glance in Saden's direction saw the younger knight nod her approval, and the sword at Ky's neck disappeared back into its' sheath. "Very well. I accept your offer." Turning, she motioned for Xhai to follow. "Xhai, you're coming too. I do not trust him enough to accompany him alone."
Xhai shrugged. "Fine by me. He still owes me for rescuing him after that incident at that nightclub last week."
Ky grimaced. "How was I supposed to know they had a "No Touching" rule? Fine. I'll treat you both to dinner. I know a restaurant not far from here that's currently running a "Pay What You Want" offer. Will that do?"
Leo nodded. "Acceptable. I will go and freshen up. I will meet you both at the front entrance of this building in ten minutes." With that, she left, Saden's spectral form floating through the wall after her.
The ten minutes passed quickly enough, and Leo found Xhai waiting in the foyer as she'd requested. She'd doffed Saden's breastplate and armoured skirt, leaving her with a tight-fitting black undersuit and a pair of shorts. Greeting her comrade with a polite smile, she inquired "Where's Ky?"
Xhai shrugged and pushed the door open for her. "Went ahead. Something about reserving a private booth for us. I guess he really is serious about this."
RPM City, Private Booth at Gordo's Bistro
Ky gave a lazy grin as the trio finished their respective meals. Leo had opted for a steak dish, Xhai for rabbit, and Ky himself had opted for a plate of spaghetti. Pushing his plate back, he watched as the waiter returned to clear their table and offer a dessert menu.
Leo perused the menu with interest, but had a question. "I'm not familiar with any of these dishes? Xhai, could you recommend something?"
The demi-falcon quickly cast his gaze over the items on offer. He didn't have much interest in the stuff himself, but he could certainly remember Mika gushing over similar things during their time together. Shaking himself to banish the melancholy that threatened to overwhelm him at the thought of his absent friend, he paused on one that he thought might be suitable, considering Saden's aversion to anything unhealthy. "Cream Eclairs are nice. Maybe try one of those?"
She nodded. "Very well."
Five minutes later
Leo daintily wiped her mouth with a napkin, inwardly marvelling at how delicious that "eclair" had been. The food she remembered from her time as a knight was servicable, and definitely tasty, but they'd had nothing so sweet or extravagant as this! She found herself wanting another one, but the knowledge that Saden would probably object stopped her. Distracted by her musings, she almost missed the hushed exchange of words that passed between her male companions.
"This place is pretty fancy, you sure you can cover the bill?"
"Hey, no worries. I chose this place specifically because of the offer. I can get Leo off my back, AND pay the absolute bare minimum for the food. Win-win!"
Leo's eyes narrowed. So that's his game. He thinks this is a suitable apology? I have every intention of making him regret his disrespectful ways....If hitting him in the pocket is the only way to hurt him, then so be it.
She was prevented from commenting when Saden dragged her into their shared mindscape, clearly eager to get her body back.
"You seem like you enjoyed that, Leo. Ready to trade places again?"
"I was....I assume you heard what that arrogant fool said?" Her eyes glittered dangerously as an idea came to her. "I apologise for this, Saden, but I will not be returning your body just yet. If Ky thinks he can get away with a dishonourable scheme like this, he can think again."
What followed was a brief mental scuffle that ended when Leo pulled the equivalent of a "Hey! Look over there!" and clamped down on her end of the shared connection, preventing Saden from communicating or manifesting for the time being.
Ky had just signalled the waiter to pay for the bill when Leo snapped back to reality.
"Wait."
Ky stopped short at that, cut off before he could settle up. He turned to Leo with a confused look on his face, Xhai meanwhile seemed content to just sit back and watch things unfold. He'd seen that look in Leo's eyes before. It meant she'd taken something as a challenge, and had every intention of emerging the victor in whatever it was she saw as the contest.
Leo pointed back to the menu, and inquired of the waiter "This...promotion...you are offering....every item has a minimum price, correct?"
The waiter confirmed that, yes, that was the case, even as Ky's expression slowly shifted to one of realisation, and then, abject terror.
Leo's smile was almost predatory. It wasn't often she got enjoy herself like this, and she fully intended to put her newly-discovered sweet tooth through its paces.
"I'll have one of everything on the dessert menu, please."
Ten minutes later....
Ky stared with wide-eyed incomprehension at the spread in front of him. A plate of chocolate eclairs, cupcakes, a chocolate gateau....and was that a wedding cake!?
Leo opted to start with the cupcakes, vowing to enjoy every moment of this. She'd apologise to Saden later. Chivalry be damned, she was not letting Ky weasel his way out of a proper punishment.
Ten minutes later....
"I don't get it....where is she putting it all?"
Xhai stirred from his nap at Ky's question, meeting the yellow-eyed gaze with a flat look of his own. A sly smirk slid across his face. "What's wrong? Is she getting a rise out of you already?"
Ky scowled, but couldn't resist firing back with a quip of his own, if only to briefly distract himself from the culinary bloodbath occuring on the other side of the table. "That was a pretty stale attempt at a joke, Xhai."
The demi-falcon settled back down on his arms and closed his eyes. "Yeah, it was fairly half-baked, wasn't it?"
Ten minutes later....
"Xhai.....XHAI, wake up!"
Xhai grunted, and shifted into a sitting position. A quick glance around revealed Leo, apparently having finished both the cupcakes AND the eclairs already, making solid inroads into the chocolate gateau....and the one who'd woken him: Ky, wearing a panicked expression.
"Mm?"
"Xhai, we're in trouble. I've done the math....even IF I pay the minimum suggested amount here, I can't cover the bill! You gotta help me! I can't get arrested for something as lame as a dine-and-dash!"
Xhai briefly considered this. He COULD pay part of the bill....he certainly wasn't hurting for money, but he couldn't resist another dig at his companion.
"Scared you'll get taken into custardy? Why should I have to take a slice of the expenses?"
Ky looked genuinely distraught. "Come on, man, help me out here. Please?"
Xhai smirked again. "Sponging off me already.....you really are fudged, aren't you?" Leaning forward, his expression and tone turned serious. "Look, you daft Bundt, you practically told Leo this was all-you-can-eat, and she took that as a challenge. I genuinely want muffin to do with this, but I guess I can help you out.....you'll owe me, though. Again."
Ky was nodding frantically, and neither of them noticed the amused look on Leo's face as she licked the chocolate frosting from her fingers and started on the wedding cake.
Fifteen minutes later...
Xhai blinked, impressed by Leo's endurance. "Holy hell, she's really raisin the bar here, isn't she?"
Ky had slumped over the table and was silently weeping into the tablecloth, more for the state of his wallet than anything else. "Taking the swiss, more like....damn it, now you've got me throwing cake puns around...."
Xhai sniggered. "It IS a rather crumby situation to be in-" he paused long enough to offer Ky a sympathetic pat on the shoulder "-but don't worry, I'm sure you'll gateuver it soon enough. Look at it this way, she's living up to that line from that old national anthem."
Ky shifted to shoot Xhai a half-curious, half-angry glare from his postion on the table. "What are you talking about?"
Not for the first time that day, Xhai responded with a triumphant smirk. "God Save The Queen. You know, "Send her Victorias"?"
Ky banged his head against the table, his voice thick with regret. "What the hell was I thinking, suggesting this....?"
Xhai shot a sideways glance at the remains of the wedding cake. Recalling how the day had started, he laughed. "I'd say it's been an emotional day for all of us. Look, even the cake's in tiers."
Ky didn't look up, but did move an hand to flip the demi-falcon off.
"I [tornado fang]ing hate you right now."
Xhai laughter just intensified.
Five minutes later...
Leo pushed the final platter away with a sigh of satisfaction. Locating another napkin, she cleaned her face and turned to Ky. "Consider your apology accepted, Ky. I trust you've learnt your lesson?"
Ky, who still had his head buried in the tablecloth, mumbled something that could possibly have been an affirmative.
Taking that as a sign of confirmation, the knight turned to Xhai with an apologetic look on her face. "I overheard your conversation about splitting the bill. I apologise for imposing on your generosity as well, Xhai. I will be certain to repay your kindness."
Xhai waved her off with a smile. Seeing Ky reduced to a state of being legitimately lost for words was worth any price. "Don't mention it, I'm happy to help you out. Honestly-" he shot Ky a sideways glance- "-I think you've paid me back already."
This time, he received a genuinely warm smile from his friend. "You truly are a good person, Xhai. You'd make a fine knight."
Cheeks colouring from both the praise and the sincerity in his friend's voice, Xhai opted to look out the window. Noting the stars now beginning to show in the rapidly darkening sky, he shrugged his jacket off and offered it to Leo. "Seems like it might be pretty chilly out, you should probably wear this for now." Standing, he fished a thick wad of bills out of his back pocket and slapped them on the table before offering an arm to Leo. "Might I escort you home, milady?"
Donning the offered clothing, Leo stood up on slightly shaky legs, revealing the aftermath of the cakepocalypse. Saden's undersuit had put up a valiant defense against the encroaching frosted menace, but had finally given up and resigned itself to defeat. Her stomach was noticably full, and wobbled slightly with her movements, widening the tear across her front.
Xhai was genuinely stunned when she actually giggled at his offer, her stoic facade apparently worn away by the relentless tide of sugar now flowing through her veins. "Chivalrous indeed! Very well-" she accepted his arm and shot him another smile "-let's go home. I fear Saden will be very upset with me when she finds out..." -she hiccuped- "....but it was worth it."
With that, they left, leaving an unresponsive Ky to brood over his recent decisions.
RPM City, Headquarters
Shani glanced up from her book as Xhai and Saden -Leo, she confirmed after catching sight of the eye colour- returned, chatting and laughing without a care in the world. She did a double-take at the sight of the ripped undersuit and awkard, tottering gait the knight currently sported, but held her tongue until Xhai had escorted the girl to her room and returned to the lounge, seemingly happier than he'd been in a long while.
"I know it's not really any of my business, Xhai, but why does Leo look like she has a bun in the oven?"
Xhai stared at her for a second, seemingly caught short by her choice of words, and the only answer she got was a burst of raucous laughter.
The next morning...
Xhai blearily stumbled down the corridor towards the bathroom, and almost tripped over Ky as he reached the halfway point. The pseudo-reploid was sleeping face down on the carpet, and a large, empty bottle of whiskey was laid a few inches away from his outstretched hand. Shaking his head, his ability to care severely hampered by his groggy state, Xhai gingerly stepped over Ky's sleeping form and continued on his way. He was jolted back to full alertness by an enraged and slightly hysterical shout from Saden's room.
"WAS ZUM TEUFEL HAST DU MIR, LEO!?"
[/spoiler]
Additional notes:
[spoiler]- To avoid any confusion, allow to me to clear things. Ky's plan when he picked the restaurant was to take advantage of the "Pay-What-You-Want" offer by paying the absolute bare minimum for whatever the group ordered. Leo overheard him telling Xhai as much, and decided that since she wouldn't be able to convince him to pay more (it was supposed to be punishment/an apology after all, and he was attempting to weasel his way out of the worst of it), she'd just add more items to the bill. That she got to eat more sweets in doing so was just a bonus.
- Saden's outburst at the end was run through Google Translate, so I apologise if the wording or grammar is a little off. The english version I started with was just "What the hell did you do to me, Leo!?"[/spoiler]