Hm. His redub was pretty good. His emotion was on point and he didn't do so much "I'm choking on my own feelings" with Zero. The thing about Zero--flat out is that he's a killer. For someone who's killed or is constantly in an environment where he can be killed, the feelings of someone close to him dying is minimized compared to someone who's had a peaceful life. So his way of telling her to hang on was on point.
Also not to drag something out but just to straighten the record.
Iris is just talking quietly; doesn't seem too dead/dying.
As someone who spars a lot, and pain is a large factor in what I do, I can say that's normal. When your body reaches a certain point in how much damage it's taken in a fight, your voice tends to lower. Iris--being in a fight to the death and was just a center of an explosion that happened to her, it's highly understandable why she isn't talking very loud.
She's in a world of pain. The fact that she can talk at all tends to be a feat in itself.