PB is on vacation, so it might feel a little more empty around here. I wanted to create the illusion that he is still here, so I wrote a faux-installment of The Galaxy of Rockman Perfect Memories. I don't think I'm as good as PB at this, I mean it is his universe after all, but I hope you'll enjoy.
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PB is Missing: A GoRPM Interim
The summer heat intensified each passing day. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse the next day, it does. This day was when Vixy just couldn’t take it anymore. Her long purple hair was so frizzy, she looked like she was a Super Saiyan 3. The air conditioning in the Game Corner was barely doing anything to cool her down, even at full blast. Not even standing in front of an open freezer, naked as a jay bird, did anything. The heat was even making her begin to hallucinate; she thought the demo playing on the Contra arcade machine in front of her was actually happening in the GC.
Vixy shook her head so she could unsee the mirage of Bill and Lance with guns blazing. “Jeez, I can’t take it anymore,” she forced out of her mouth. “A Mango Lemonade should help.” Vixy put on her skimpiest outfit that was still acceptable to be seen in in public and walked out the front door of the GC. The sidewalk and streets seemed ready to melt. People had already cracked open fire hydrants, but no water came from them. She walked quickly to PB’s Sex Shack, knowing there’d be a lifetime supply of Mango Lemonade there, and hoping it would cool her down before she went insane.
Vixy reached the Sex Shack with no delay. She noticed the place was making far less noise than normal; what was usually a ruckus of fornication was as quiet as a timid schoolgirl. Vixy knocked twice on the front door, then let herself in. The place felt emptier than a ghost town. She could only feel PBPB’s presence. How could you not notice her; she was lounged naked in a kiddy pool full of melting ice water, with a large chunk of ice resting on each of her breasts, and with about twenty fans surrounding her blowing at full blast. “[tornado fang] IT’S HOT!!!” PBPB shouted to no one, not yet realizing Vixy had entered the Shack.
Vixy wiped sweat from her brow. “It’s worse than hot, Chase” she said to PBPB. “It’s like Hell on Earth.”
PBPB was startled to hear Vixy’s voice. She abruptly sat up, letting the ice chunks slide off her boobs and crash into the pool. “Oh, Vixy, when did you get here?”
“Just now,” Vixy replied as PBPB got out of the pool and put some underwear on. “Do you have some Mango Lemonade I could borrow? I think it’s the only thing that could cool me down right now.”
PBPB put her sunglasses on the top of her head. “Sure. I just gotta get the key to the fridge from Greg.” With such a stash of Mango Lemonade, it should be no surprise it’s kept under lock and key. PBPB leaned towards the stairs and shouted at the top of her lungs, “HEEEEEY GREEEEEEG!!!” No answer. “That’s odd,” PBPB said as she put her hand to her sweat-leaking chin. She shouted PB’s name again. And again, no answer.
“Is he not here?” Vixy asked PBPB.
“If he went somewhere, he would’ve told me.” PBPB tugged at her bra to fan her chest. “Maybe he left a note somewhere.” PBPB and Vixy looked around the Shack, and quickly found a Post It on the table by the phone. But when they went to read it, the ink had already begun to melt away, leaving only black squiggly things.
Arakune sneezed.
“This isn’t good,” Vixy said in distress. “If PB isn’t here, I can’t get any Mango Lemonade.” She clutched PBPB’s shoulders and shook her. “We gotta go find PB!”
PBPB pointed to the viewer and said with a smile, “And YOU gotta help us!”
The author shouted to her, “Hey! No breaking the fourth wall!”
“Sorry,” PBPB pouted. She then regained her composure and lifted Vixy’s hands off her. “I know, Vix, just keep your head on straight. We’ll find him.”
Vixy fell to her knees. “But how are we going to find him when we have no idea where to look?” she began to sob. “Oh God, I’m going to die like this! This cat doesn’t want to be in heat!”
PBPB kneeled down in front of Vixy and lifted her chin. “Just take it easy, girl. We’ll just look around town. You know, check his usual spots, ask around if anyone’s seen him.”
“B-b-b-but...” Vixy stammered through sobs, “What it no one else has seen him? What if he’s lost somewhere in the ether of RPM?”
PBPB lightly slapped Vixy across the face, but hard enough to wake Vixy from her episode. “Jeez luhweeze, Lady! This heat’s really getting to you, isn’t it?”
Vixy held her slightly throbbing cheek. “I’m sorry. It’s just so hot, I think I’m losing my mind.”
“Just hang in there, girl. We’ll find Greg for sure. I swear on Lou’s dead body.”
“But he’s not dead.”
“You know what I mean.”
So after Vixy regained her composure, she and PBPB left the Sex Shack to search for the missing Protoman Blues. They asked nearly everyone in RPM if they had an idea where PB was. The answers were all the same.
“Haven’t seen him,” Super Kitsu shook her head.
“Sorry, I don’t know,” Flame apologized.
“I know nothing,” Sparky snapped with crossed arms.
“How the [tornado fang] should I know?” Hitomi barked.
Not even Ninja Lou knew where his best friend was. “If he’s not in any of the usual spots, I don’t have any idea where he could be. And I don’t care.”
Vixy pounced on top of Lou, her eyes glaring and her teeth gritting. “But. I. Do. I . Need. Mango. LEMONADE!” PBPB quickly pulled Vixy off the ninja. Vixy shook her head. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry about that, Lou.” She repeatedly bowed her head to apologize.
“This is pretty serious, Lou,” PBPB said. “Mango Lemonade is the only thing that’ll bring Vixy back to normal. And Greg has the key.”
Lou fanned himself with his cap. “No Mango Lemonade? This IS serious. But I’m sorry, I don’t know where...” Before Lou could finish his sentence, a loud roar came from the sky. The three looked up to see something fiery in the sky descending to their location. They ran out of the way as a space pod with solar panels on its sides landed a few yards in front of them. A door opened in the front, steam flowing out from it, and a walkway extended towards Vixy, PBPB, and Lou. A silhouette emerged from the smoke and began walking down the walkway.
“Man is it hot over here,” Protoman Blues said as he tugged on the collar of his shirt.
Vixy’s eyes lit up and glittered as she jumped towards and glomped on PB. “Oh thank heaven you’re back!”
“Well, hello to you too, my sweaty Vixy,” PB chuckled as Vixy purred in his ear with a smile. He then noticed PBPB and Lou in front of him. “Hi, Chase. Hi, Lou.”
Lou tipped his hat to PBPB. “I guess my work here is done. I’m happy to be a help to you.” Lou then ninja-teleported away.
“But you didn’t help us at all,” PBPB muttered with confusion. She then turned to the Vixy-smothered PB. “Welcome back, Greg. But where were you? The note you left melted.”
PB posed heroically and looked into the distance. “Star Base: Where No Turtle has Gone Before.”
“Seriously, Greg.”
“I’m actually not too far from the truth this time, Chase. I was in space for a little while. Fxeni just finished working on his Fxatellite, and he let me take it for a test drive.”
“Oh,” PBPB nodded her head, “that sounds nice. Was it fun up there?”
“It would’ve been if I could’ve taken someone with me for some anti-gravity lovin’.” PB smiled.
PBPB waved his hand to him and blushed. “Oh, you~” she giggled.
PB looked at Vixy, who was still purring and clutching his body like a scratching post. “And what’s up with you, Vixy? You couldn’t have missed me that much.”
PBPB explained, “The heat was making her act weird, and nothing was cooling her down enough. Mango Lemonade would’ve done the trick, but you left with the key.”
“Oh. Is that so? Well, come on, ladies. I’ll run a whole bath of Mango Lemonade. Think that’ll cool you off enough?”
Vixy squealed with delight. “Ohthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” she cried as she tightly hugged PB. PB and PBPB laughed like they were in an 80’s sitcom.
“Wait,” PB suddenly stopped, “why are we just standing around here in the heat? We have a bath to take! TO THE FXATELLITE!” With that, the three ran into the space pod and flew back to PB’s Sex Shack with no delay.