"...Yes....yes I have." Calien nodded "I've certainly have felt like that before. At least several times in my life."
Pema stared at Calien, then looked down, "It's a terrible feeling, isn't it? Not only are you disappointing others, but a part of you feels like you're letting down yourself..."
She applied pressure to the ice bag on her ankle, "... One time a couple of bandits broke into our house. They said my Dad had something that they wanted. One of them... the man with the green eyes raided my parents' room while the other kept watch of me and Mommy. I remember it clearly; Mommy held me close, and she prayed under her breath, over and over. The man... the man said he'd kill her if she didn't... if she didn't shut up..."
Pema choked on those final words, her eyes watering as she partially pulled down her hat in front of her face, "She stopped and the green eyed man came back with a weird-looking jewelry box in his hands. Dad pleaded with him to leave me and Mommy out of this. The man laughed. He pushed Daddy onto the floor and yelled at him, demanding money. My dad pleaded again, then... the man pulled out a knife."
Her voice became slightly hoarse, "It was my turn to yell. I grabbed the kitchen knife on the table next to me... I started to swing. I swung as hard as I could, yelling at the men to leave us alone. But, I didn't want to actually hurt them... I didn't wish them any harm or ill-will. I felt sorry for them. They looked so... lost. The green eyed man, he- he kneeled in front of me and I raised the knife even higher, my grip becoming numb from fright. He grinned, one of his right teeth missing and he whispered to me, "Are you going to stop me, little girl?"
Pema went silent for a moment, almost as if she was in a momentary trance. Slowly, she gazed into Calien's eyes, "... I couldn't. I couldn't stop him. He saw me- right through me. A small, useless girl who couldn't even fight back. I tried, too, though! I really did! ... In my head, I thought about striking him, but I could never go through with it. I couldn't bear to hurt another human being. My family... I wasn't able to defend my own family. The other man, he held his dagger to my dad's throat, so he couldn't move. He reached into Daddy's pockets and pulled out all the money he had. Mommy bent down and picked me up, bringing my face close to her cheek. I could feel her tears on my skin..."
She leaned against the wall, "Thankfully, they left us... but they got what they came for. Our money and Daddy's mysterious box. Just now, when that Shadow Man thing struck me down and I was unable to fight and defend... I was immediately brought right back to my house. The day I failed to protect my family. And now I failed you guys... my new family."
Pema clenched her fists, her face becoming red and her mouth quivering, "Whenever I think I might be strong enough... I always end up failing! Time and time again..." She covered her face with her hands, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I don't know what's wrong with me... I... I really don't..."
Her voice cracked as she buried her face into Calien's arms, attempting to stop her tears.