I honestly have no idea what I was thinking with this one, but then I came up with this...
(Imagine this with Billy May's or the Shamwow guy's voice or something)
Have you ever felt that urge to go on a killing spree but there are just too many weapons to carry around with you that you need to fulfill your violent desires? Well, now you can kill that problem with thew All-purpouse Weapon!
It slices! It dices! It impales! It flails! It shoots! It burns! And more! The killing abilities of dozens of weapons in one convenient package! Order now for only $99.99 at 1-800-MURDER, that's right, 1-800-MURDER! Order now!
...so yeah, you can use this thing as a lance, a sword, a gun, a flamethrower, an axe, a flail, a hammer, whatever you can think of with that design >.>