Messages

9301

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: July 08, 2011, 05:28:40 AM »

Yeah, I've seen it. Looking forward to it immensely.

9302

Entertainment / Re: Star Wars - The Clone Wars...

« on: July 07, 2011, 10:10:39 PM »

Yeah, a Hellboy cartoon under his helm would probably be very good.

9303

Entertainment / Re: Star Wars - The Clone Wars...

« on: July 07, 2011, 09:54:49 PM »

I wish he had Genndy handle the all of the prequels.

9304

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: July 07, 2011, 08:42:14 PM »

I heard that he reused that scene because of an incident when a broken cable hit and paralyzed a woman on the TF3 set.

Yeah, he did. Tragic what happened to the woman. You know what else he could've done? Cut the scene entirely. It actually brings nothing to the movie.

9305

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: July 07, 2011, 09:23:55 AM »

See that's what is so troubling. Bay can do decent action schlock. The Rock, Bad Boys, hell even the Island are decent action porn movies. And Armageddon, awful as it may be, at least has a plot. How he [tornado fang]'d this up is amazing.

LoL, speaking of the Island, in case you haven't heard, TF3 literally, and I mean literally, copies a car chase action scene directly from The Island, just with Decepticons CGI'd into it.

9306

Entertainment / PB's Long, Spoilertastic Review of Transfomers 3

« on: July 07, 2011, 08:50:23 AM »

Okay, since it's on my mind and since I'm in a writing mood, allow me to give a full review of the third Transformers movie, filled with all kinds of spoilers...

(click to show/hide)

ing LONG!]I'll just get this right out of the way now. It's [tornado fang]ing awful. Absolutely [tornado fang]ing awful. And there are so many reasons it's awful, all of which I'll try to list.

The main reason it's awful is the same exact reason why Transformers 2 was awful...it has no plot. And by no plot, I do not mean that it just doesn't have an Oscar worthy plot or a story you don't need to think about like most action movies. No, I literally mean IT HAS NO PLOT. For those of you who have never taken a film class, allow me to introduce you to Film Class 101. The easiest way to describe a plot is to simplify it to its most basic element in one simple sentence. For this exercise, we'll use one of my favorite action movies, Commando. The plot of Commando: "John Matrix has 24 hours to save his daughter." There. That's the plot. Everything else that happens around it is the story, the action, special effects, stunts, soundtrack, and so on, but that simple sentence right there is the plot of the movie. And here in lies the problem with the Transformers movies, especially highlighted in TF2 and TF3. You cannot describe the plot of the movie in a simple sentence, because it's just a random sequence of events tossed together, which essentially means that it has no plot. Now, you'll have your naysayers out there who say that a movie does not need a plot, which is 100% false. Every movie, cept for porn perhaps, needs a plot. It doesn't have to be a well thought up plot, or something deep and meaningful. It can be incredibly simplistic, like Commando and other such action movies. Hell, action movies don't even need that good of a story to be enjoyable. But, it does need a plot. Something you can look back on and say, "Hey that's what they were going for" or something to that effect. For example, lets take a look at Pirates of the Carribean 1 and Pirates of the Carribean 2. The plot to Pirates 1: "Captain Jack Sparrow must team up with a blacksmith to recover his ship & save the love of the blacksmith's life!" Very simple and effective, and why the first Pirates movie is the best, as we'll see with the plot of the 2nd Pirates movie which is: "Captain Jack Sparrow must race to save himself from a costly deal made with Davy Jones while Elizabeth & Will must recover Jack's compass for the leader of the East India Trading Co. in order to secure their freedom & marriage!" Notice that I highlight the word while? That's because this is a flaw of a movie having too much plot. Riddle me this? If you cut out the whole part with Elizabeth, Will, and the East India Trading Co., would Pirates 2 have been a better movie? To each their own, but the answer is yes, because like the first Pirates movie, the plot was simple. When you add too much into the plot of a movie, it can screw things around. When you just throw random crap into the plot, you jumble it to the point where there is no plot.

Again, this is the main flaw with the movie, which is so very very sad with the Transformers movies, because the plot of Transformers is, and I [parasitic bomb] you not, LITERALLY described in full [tornado fang]ing detail in the original cartoon's song. "Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons!" That's the plot. That's all the plot needs to be. That's all the plot should have been. Instead, we get to the other major flaw with TF3, which again is the other major flaw of TF2.....the humans. Except for people wanting to see Michael Bay proving that hot chicks have hot bodies and are hot, no one gives a [tornado fang] about the humans. No one. Only a few humans are really necessary, and the rest are fodder. The one human you need is your protagonist, which obviously is Sam Witwicky. On average, your protagonist has to be likable. Not always, but it helps. I cannot stress this enough when I say that with every movie, Sam becomes more and more unlikable. In this movie, I'm not sure what he was told his motivation was, but I'd like to believe he was told to act as annoying and batshit insane as humanly possibly, because that's exactly what he does during the first hour and a half of this movie. There's literally 10-20 seconds of him pounding on his car's engine like a madman, and then later another scene in which he's yelling in his car like a [tornado fang]ing psychopath for another 10-20 seconds. It's not good when you want your protagonist to be killed (and I won't even get into the many many many many many many many reasons why he should not have survived the final action scene) so Sam brings absolutely nothing to this movie. None of the humans do really. Not the parents, who are in it less this movie but still annoying as all hell. Not the soldiers, who once again this movie tends to focus way too much on. Certainly not the eye-candy, who's name you will probably forget after the movie is over. None of them. All people really want to see is the intense robot fighting robot action, and just like the second movie, except for about 5 Decepticons and the main-stay Autobots, you will have no clue who is fighting who.

I can name five Decepticons in TF3. Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, Shockwave, and Laserbeak. That's it. And about 200 of them show up halfway in the movie (we'll discuss that later). And then there are the Autobots. Most of the same ones are still around, with a couple of new, slightly less racist ones to replace the 100% racist ones (I say slightly racist cause a couple do have thick accents for some reason) that Bay believes were the only real problem with TF2. So, in a movie about giant robots fighting each other, you give us 4 villains and a [parasitic bomb] load of other nameless Decepticons who are only there to pretty easily be defeated by the Autobots. I mean, they are so easily defeated, one actually wonders how the Autobots lost the war in the first place. Oh, and speaking of Megatron, once again just like the first two movies, he is somehow not the main villain of the movie. He wasn't the main villain of the 1st, because you don't have the main villain show up during the 3rd act of the film (one of the flaws of the 1st movie). He's not the main villain of the 2nd, because that's established as the Fallen. Finally, he's not the main villain of the 3rd movie, because that is Sentinel Prime.

Now we get into the story, or should I say the only real part of the story that matters. So while chasing down Decepticons in Chernobyl, Prime discovers that the Decepticons have discovered a device which prompts him to realize that the humans have kept the fact that an Autobot ship called The Ark crash landed on the Moon in the 60's which is the real reason humanity first walked on the moon (nice job pissing on one of the greatest events in human history I might add, Bay) secret from him and the other Autobots. Apparently this ship carries the Autobots old leader, Sentinel Prime, who was carrying with him a device which was going to change the outcome of the war. The Autobots then fly up and recover Sentinel Prime & some of the devices, called Pillars, and bring them back to Earth. Prime using the Matrix of Leadership (yeah, no idea how he got that back from the sun destroying device in the 2nd movie) revives Sentinel Prime (yeah, no idea the Matrix could do that either) and offers Sentinel Prime the Matrix of Leadership back, which he refuses cause Optimus is the leader now. Turns out the Decepticons planned this all along because Sentinel is the key to using the devices, and they needed the Autobots to bring Sentinel back to Earth & revive him with the Matrix. Then it turns out that Sentinel was working with the Decepticons all along as far back as at the end of the war on Cybertron. Sentinel apparently made a deal with Megatron in order to rebuild Cybertron from the war. To do this, the Decepticons & Sentinel use the Pillars to create a Space Bridge to bring a Decepticon fleet hiding on (and in) the moon from the moon to Earth in order to take over Chicago, which they use as a base of operations to create an even bigger Space Bridge to bring Cybertron closer to Earth so that they can enslave humanity to help them rebuild Cybertron. During the invasion, Sentinel proclaims he is in charge and demand that the Autobots leave Earth or else they'll destroy the world. They seemingly do and the ship is destroyed, but voila they trick Sentinel and the Decepticons and the 9 Autobots fight along side the soldiers to stop Sentinel and the Decepticons. They do, the Earth is saved, movie ends. Yay.

Keep in mind, I did not mention ANY of the human story lines in any of this clusterfuck. Before I get into some of the questions that what I just described above raises, allow me to bring one more quick note up. When the Space Bridge is activated, you see how big Cybertron is compared to Earth. Allow me to use a picture reference quickly...



Take a look at Earth next to either Neptune or Uranus, and that should give you a decent example of how big Cybertron is next to Earth. If you were to make a circle using your thumbs and fingers and pretend that is Cybertron, then the entire human population would probably make up a continent the size of your smallest fingernail. So if your first thought was, "How would the Decepticons use humanity to rebuild Cybertron?" then you get a gold star, because it's the equivalent of asking hamsters to build the Great Wall of China. Some other questions might arise during your viewing of this abortion. Questions such as...

"If Megatron made a deal with Sentinel Prime back on Cybertron, then why did Decepticon ships attempt to shoot down the Ark with Sentinel Prime on it as it was leaving Cybertron?"
"If this was the plan all along, then why did Megatron & The Fallen attempt to destroy the sun in the 2nd movie?"
"Why did the Decepticon Armada need a Space Bridge to get from the Moon to Earth when it's shown in all three movies that it's a very easy distance to travel?"
"If the Decepticon Armada was hiding on the moon, why did they wait so long to begin their conquest of Earth?"
"In fact, if the Decepticons had an armada hiding on & in the moon, why didn't they come in the 2nd movie? Or the 1st movie? Or at any time when the Autobots were hunting the Decepticons on Earth?"
"Didn't both Starscream & Megatron fly to Cybertron in the 2nd movie to meet with the Fallen? And if so, why do they need to bring Cybertron close to Earth?"
"Wouldn't bringing Cybertron that close to Earth destroy it?"
"Why didn't Sentinel Prime take the Autobot Matrix of Leadership when Optimus clearly offered it to him? He has nothing to lose by taking it and everything to gain."
"How did the Autobots lose the war when they so easily handle Decepticons on Earth?"
"Who the hell are all these other Decepticons?"

Again, I must stress that these are questions only brought up by the actual Transfomers aspect of the story. I did not even get into the human story elements, like the racism, sexism, insanity, characters that literally serve no purpose whatsoever, and so on, and essentially take up the first 90 minutes of the movie. I think I can actually end this review right here. One final point I want to bring up that, hidden within this clusterfuck of a clusterfuck is a story very close to an episode of the original Transformers cartoon 3-parter called The Ultimate Doom in which Megatron allies himself with a human scientist to enslave humanity, while at the same time creates a Space Bridge to bring Cybertron to Earth. This 3 part, 75 minute, 80's cartoon toy commercial has a much more believable plot, story, character development than Transfomers 3. Watch that instead of this [parasitic bomb]. It's an absolutely abomination and the only reason it's better than TF2 is because the final hour long action scene is better paced & less confusing. Other than that, I'd venture to say that it's a worse movie than TF2.

tl:dr, It [tornado fang]ing sucks!
 

9307

Off The Wall / Re: Models and Figures

« on: July 06, 2011, 02:40:06 AM »

Glad to see you've picked up more.

Posted on: June 23, 2011, 06:10:10 AM

I got a glimpse of this today at my model shop.

[tornado fang] it looks sexy!

Posted on: June 23, 2011, 09:00:19 PM

So yeah, this will be mine!

9308

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: July 05, 2011, 06:01:45 AM »

So, tell me PB, if I truly hated the pacing in TF2, most specificly for the whole [tornado fang]ing desert part, in how much pain will I be when I inevitably get dragged to see this with my family?

The pacing is actually better for the last action sequence of TF3, so you've got that...

9309

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: July 04, 2011, 10:29:45 AM »

Yeah, Inception is incredible.

Also, saw TF3. It's not worse than TF2, but it's still god awful.

Posted on: July 03, 2011, 06:10:19 PMIn fact, let me reiterate. The only reason it's better than TF2 is because the final action sequence makes a little bit more sense and isn't as big of a confusing clusterfuck. Honestly, at this point I'm going back and forth as to whether I think this is a worse movie than TF2. There are so many reasons why it is and why it isn't.

9310

Gaming / Re: Batman: Arkham Asylum/Arkham City

« on: July 03, 2011, 02:30:32 AM »

By the way, I'm not really familiar with Catwoman except her appearance before now, did she always constantly make excruciatingly lame puns like that? Can't decide if I love it or hate it.

Depends on the writer really. Modern day Catwoman, not so much. Nor does she really flash the cleavage like that either! 

9311

Off The Wall / Re: Latest Buys

« on: July 02, 2011, 05:25:10 AM »

Congrats, now get the Deathscythe custom

I'm having a friend buy that for me! 

9312

Off The Wall / Re: Latest Buys

« on: July 02, 2011, 04:59:22 AM »

9313

Entertainment / Re: New Thundercats HO

« on: July 02, 2011, 03:08:28 AM »

Saw that today in front of Transformers 3. I'm sooooooooooooooooo excited!

9314

Off The Wall / Re: See ya later!/Welcome back!

« on: July 01, 2011, 06:36:45 AM »

Enjoy my fair city as best you can!

9315

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: June 30, 2011, 07:39:54 PM »

Yeah, I'm just going by the spoiler-tastic reviews of the movies I've listened to, so I cannot fully judge yet.

9316

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: June 30, 2011, 06:04:44 PM »

The [tornado fang]?!

And on that note... can anybody tell me if this movie is at least WATCHABLE this time around?

I'll be seeing it this weekend to see how this autopsy ends.

From two reviews I've listened to of it, I think he's actually accomplished the amazing feat of making it worse than TF2.

9317

Gaming / Re: The "What are you currently playing?" Thread

« on: June 29, 2011, 06:41:50 PM »

Haha, sadly I just got the reference!

9318

Gaming / Re: The "What are you currently playing?" Thread

« on: June 29, 2011, 06:23:46 PM »

I think I might have the Unicorn guy unlocked from just the first 2 missions. I know I have Setsuna, Amuro, Kou, and possibly the two you mentioned. I only got a chance to play the opening 2 missions though. Damn responsibility.

9319

Entertainment / Re: At The Movies With RPM

« on: June 29, 2011, 12:12:34 PM »

That one is up there among the best of the DC Animated Movies.

9320

Gaming / Re: The "What are you currently playing?" Thread

« on: June 29, 2011, 02:45:15 AM »

Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3

Soon my desire to destroy Kou will be complete! 

9321

Gaming / Re: Sonic Generations (360, PS3, 3DS) - Holiday 2011

« on: June 28, 2011, 11:10:53 PM »

Not bad at all. Man, do I hate Auto-tune though.

9322

Entertainment / Re: What are you listening to?

« on: June 25, 2011, 09:08:48 AM »

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBN2dY0qiZ4[/youtube]

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! IT'S A PARTY IN THE C.I.A.

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Fan Creations / Re: The Gonzo has art.

« on: June 25, 2011, 09:02:33 AM »

 

I apologize for nothing!

9324

Fan Creations / Re: The Gonzo has art.

« on: June 25, 2011, 08:52:24 AM »

I'd buy a Blues Pony

9325

Forum Games / Re: "What Are You Thinking Now?"

« on: June 25, 2011, 08:45:49 AM »

Exactamundo.