Okay, I just got home from seeing this movie, and really, where do I begin?
First off, I'll just tell you that despite the first movie being entertaining, the story was terrible, as was the story telling. The problem is, it made so much money. Why is that a problem? Because I have this theory that, if a [parasitic bomb] stories sells, then there is NO reason to improve or even try for the expected sequel. And by god, Michael Bay has proved me right once again. Sadly, this is one of the few times that I've semi-hated being right, because even I didn't expect the story to be this bad.
You know what, I'll just say SPOILER ALERT, and I'm not going to even use the Spoiler Tag, because this movie is so bad, it's not even worth the spoiler tag. This story is really something that had to have been thought up in 45 minutes over an order of General Tso Chicken and Boneless Ribs, because it makes ZERO [tornado fang]ing sense. I mean, I can't even say that there are so many plotholes that you can drive Optimus through, because the entire movie is just one giant plot hole that's been shot through your brain. The first fight is enjoyable, for the most part, even though they just bring in random Autobots like Sideswipe and the "Arcee Twins" EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE 3 OF THEM. After that fight, you pretty much never see them again, or really doing anything important, even during the last fight of the film. Hell, Ironhide is used so little and I don't even remember if Ratchet speaks or not at all. Bumblebee, for some reason, is once again having trouble with his voice, for no other reason than funny radio schtick again. Then come the Decepticons, and except for Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, and Devastator (the NEW one and not the old Tank one), I can't really name any others. Oh wait, there was JetFire & Wheelie, who switched sides for really no reason. Mind you, at the last fight, I'd say 10 more Decepticons show up, but they are not named, useless, serve little purpose in defeated humans hiding behind [tornado fang]ing rocks, and ALL look the same. For a movie that wants to sell toys, marketing wise, this was done so poorly. Ah yes, but I'm forgetting the two new Autobots that hung out with Bumblebee, Sam, Megan, and whatever Tuturro's character's name was in this. The Twins.
I've gotta say, I've seriously not seen anything this racist in a long, LONG time. These two robots make Jar Jar look like [tornado fang]ing Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. My mind was seriously blown at how racist these robots were. What amazes me is that in all the reviews I've read, I haven't really seen anything mentioned about them. I didn't know until Josh mentioned something about them before the movie began. I mean, when one of the obviously black stereotype robots says "We don't really read", that blew my mind. I don't care that it's a robot saying it, that could've come out of [tornado fang]ing Song of the South, it was so blatantly racist. LoL, then Josh told me that it was Bay's idea to put them in.
The plot with Sam made no sense, and again, what kind of hardcore loser are you if you're leaving behind your [tornado fang]ing Transforming Camaro, and more importantly, your Megan Fox looking girlfriend who just happens to be Megan Fox. Well it doesn't matter, as apparently his school has nothing but hot chicks, one of whom is a Decepticon spy. Yes, a HUMAN Transformer. Not to mention his Astrology teacher, who CLEARLY wanted to have sex with his hot female classmates, and is saying this in front of the Dean. Also, in terms of continuity, just with Sam alone, there are so many things so poorly done, but obviously meant to be drowned out with all the explosions, and Megan Fox's slo-mo tits running. And really, that's probably the only redeemable aspect of this clusterfuck. I'd say Peter Cullen as Prime, but I'd almost rather he wasn't in this movie.
There are so many things wrong with this movie, I don't think I can describe them all. This is something I never thought I'd say, but this movie had too many explosions. I think I saw trees explode, pyramids explode, maybe even tits explode. I can't even tell anymore. The Matrix of Leadership is somehow a key to a Sun Destroying Energon Creator machine, turns into dust when Sam touches it, and is reformed by Sam running his sock full of Matrix Dust to Prime, dying, getting taken to Autobot Heaven, proving himself a leader by dying, and then sticking into dead Prime to reactivate him, only to have the Fallen teleport and rip it right out of Prime INSTANTLY. The Fallen also knows Telekinesis too, but somehow couldn't take out Prime who somehow merged with Jetfire's broken down body & Spark so he could fly.......OMG IT'S ROBOCOP 3.
And speaking of the final fight between Prime, Megatron & The Fallen, I don't know what Kharaxel is talking about when he says that it's the one good fight of the movie. IT HAS THE WORST ROBOT CG IN THE ENTIRE [tornado fang]ing MOVIE. The Forest Fight was better than that [parasitic bomb].
This movie is really just one giant cock joke, and believe me, there are probably about 8-10 throughout the entire movie. It just skullfucks your brain. I can definitely say that it's the worst movie I've seen all year, hands down. This movie could be worse than Indy 4, and you know how much I hated that movie. The only two things I came out of this movie thinking was that there's nothing wrong with Megan Fox slo-mo tits running scenes and that Michael Bay is a racist. I don't know if I ever want to see this again. I'm actually glad I didn't see the IMAX version of this, with 20 more minutes of Robot on Robot action, cause seriously, if I think a movie has too many explosions, then something's [tornado fang]ing wrong.
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