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1
Off The Wall / here let me answer
« on: December 03, 2009, 07:41:10 AM »
Hello again RPM. Grab a towel and a peanut, knowledge is trying to save a drowning elephant.
I don't have an access to the internet at home anymore, but right now I am bored, and grant you the priviledge of asking me questions so I can share with you what a chinese cookie has so eloquently dubbed my 'ancestral wisdom'.
go go go
I don't have an access to the internet at home anymore, but right now I am bored, and grant you the priviledge of asking me questions so I can share with you what a chinese cookie has so eloquently dubbed my 'ancestral wisdom'.
go go go
2
Off The Wall / adventures in getting a guy arrested
« on: November 03, 2009, 05:54:06 AM »
Welcome to Interventions. Someone who cares about you has sent you this link because you are drinking too much/use drugs to avoid pain/talk like a baby when addressing animals/use idiot marketspeak like 'massclusive'/are bad at the sex/give shitty presents/order foreign food items using the pronunciation of their country of origin/use transparent techniques to try and hide the fact you're smelling your finger/laugh by yourself in order to get attention/are too touchy-feely/are physically distant/wear those rubber looking shoes with holes in them. But don't worry we like you, we'd just like a different you even more.
Are all the idiots gone yet?
Good day everyone who doesn't hate me for existing and actually read instead of skimming and thinking that i am a substanceless douche, yes yes. Get yourself a pair of fluffy slippers and a big glass of milk because I'm gonna feed you a big slice of life with pink icing and sprinkles on the top.
I work retail, in a clothing store inside a really big, 4-floors mall that has a food court that reminds me of a spaceship. This mall is situated in downtown Montreal, and like in any very urban areas you get your share and a half of crazy people.
Now that the setting is established, onward we skip now, to an EPIC TALE.
An adventure vignette.
An unsettling anecdote.
A tale of mild bravoury.
An old-fashioned jaunty yarn told to the tune of Whiskey in The Jar.
Okay, a boring story.
The store I work in is a woman's clothing outlet, full of colorful and sometimes glittery outfits. So when a big guy with a black beanie, leather coat and a tattoo on the side of his neck walked in alone, I got a little beacon of caution blinking in my head. At this point I am standing behind the counter, at the cash register. He walks up to me, pretends to look at the mannequin next to me. I see him throwing obvious glances at the cash register, and he asks me suddenly if I can get him a dress in a specific size, conveniently hung at the exact opposite end of the store. And it's my job, and I have nothing credible to support my beliefs that this guy is a total turdblossom. So I do as he says. But keep my attention at its peak.
Obviously, the moment he came to the conclusion that I was far away enough for his tastes, I heard the sound of the cash register opening. I turn around, and catch the dude red-handed in poorly executed theft. There aren't any other customers in the store.
So I stare.
And walk out of the store in silence.
And locked him in like in a little glass cage full of pritty pritty lady's clothing.
Turns out, that guy stole money from two stores in the mall before coming here. The security agents were looking for him already.
Twas pretty rad to see him getting manhandled.
I'm kinda glad this happened, working monday evenings is normally boring as hell.
Are all the idiots gone yet?
Good day everyone who doesn't hate me for existing and actually read instead of skimming and thinking that i am a substanceless douche, yes yes. Get yourself a pair of fluffy slippers and a big glass of milk because I'm gonna feed you a big slice of life with pink icing and sprinkles on the top.
I work retail, in a clothing store inside a really big, 4-floors mall that has a food court that reminds me of a spaceship. This mall is situated in downtown Montreal, and like in any very urban areas you get your share and a half of crazy people.
Now that the setting is established, onward we skip now, to an EPIC TALE.
An adventure vignette.
An unsettling anecdote.
A tale of mild bravoury.
An old-fashioned jaunty yarn told to the tune of Whiskey in The Jar.
Okay, a boring story.
The store I work in is a woman's clothing outlet, full of colorful and sometimes glittery outfits. So when a big guy with a black beanie, leather coat and a tattoo on the side of his neck walked in alone, I got a little beacon of caution blinking in my head. At this point I am standing behind the counter, at the cash register. He walks up to me, pretends to look at the mannequin next to me. I see him throwing obvious glances at the cash register, and he asks me suddenly if I can get him a dress in a specific size, conveniently hung at the exact opposite end of the store. And it's my job, and I have nothing credible to support my beliefs that this guy is a total turdblossom. So I do as he says. But keep my attention at its peak.
Obviously, the moment he came to the conclusion that I was far away enough for his tastes, I heard the sound of the cash register opening. I turn around, and catch the dude red-handed in poorly executed theft. There aren't any other customers in the store.
So I stare.
And walk out of the store in silence.
And locked him in like in a little glass cage full of pritty pritty lady's clothing.
Turns out, that guy stole money from two stores in the mall before coming here. The security agents were looking for him already.
Twas pretty rad to see him getting manhandled.
I'm kinda glad this happened, working monday evenings is normally boring as hell.
3
Fan Creations / i hate everyone but i like drawing
« on: November 03, 2009, 05:27:30 AM »
art gallery r' us
more to come as i kick myself into getting decent [parasitic bomb] done
adventures in attempting digital watercolors
Something i made for halloween. After making the lineart i realized that the last thing i wanted was to color, so i went for a collage look. it almost took as long as if i had colored it and i felt pretty stupid.
actually drawn like an eternity ago (late june or something) but i don't have much more recent art to show because work saps creativity like holy [parasitic bomb]
poster thingy that i made about three months ago. this one is actually interesting because there was no sketch nor pencils involved; all was done directly in ink, using a black bic pen. this was part of a serie of such exercises i made, but out of all the pleasing results that i got out of it, this is still my favorite.
more to come as i kick myself into getting decent [parasitic bomb] done
adventures in attempting digital watercolors
Something i made for halloween. After making the lineart i realized that the last thing i wanted was to color, so i went for a collage look. it almost took as long as if i had colored it and i felt pretty stupid.
actually drawn like an eternity ago (late june or something) but i don't have much more recent art to show because work saps creativity like holy [parasitic bomb]
poster thingy that i made about three months ago. this one is actually interesting because there was no sketch nor pencils involved; all was done directly in ink, using a black bic pen. this was part of a serie of such exercises i made, but out of all the pleasing results that i got out of it, this is still my favorite.
4
Off The Wall / rant zone
« on: November 01, 2009, 05:59:49 AM »
Another week of our lives has passed us by, at this rate we will be done in no time.
Knowledge says it's "give a thumbs up sign to random strangers don't pat them on the ass it's creepy" day.
But make sure you look them in the eyes.
According to sociologists the increased use of the internet is contributing to a drastic decline in the number of close friends that Americans have.
According to the study the number of people who say they have no one to talk to about important matters has more than doubled. And the number of people that respond and said they discuss important matters with fell from about 3 to 2.
Wait, I thought you said close friends. Now you're talking about people who you discuss important matters with.
Last night my close friends and I discussed how many hamburgers it would be possible to eat in 24 hours.
I think 100 is too high.
We were discussing whether the rules for a 24-hour hamburger eating contest would disallow laxatives.
I felt like everything was fair game as long as nothing came back out the hole you put it in. That at least solves the binge-and-purge loophole.
Sociologist Lyn Smith Levin, who apparently feels qualified to make these sorts of statements, said: “This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people creates a safety net.”
That safety net also borrows articles of clothing and doesn’t return them. And has reoccurring birthdays that I have to buy things for. And constantly reminds you of who they perceive you to be at the expense of what you’d like to become. And then they ask you to feed their animals. And get mad at you for changing.
Hey, here's an idea! Maybe since this massively networked world is still in its adolescence we're still trying to work out the rules of communication and friendship. Just because you see something we've traditionally relied on disappear, it doesn't mean we're [tornado fang]'d.
Oh yeah and happy Halloween. I spent my day working a 9 hours shift and being sick as hell and now I am sitting in front of the computer typing this on this forum with a questionable layout.
I hope you had as much fun as I did.
HMMM-HM.
Knowledge says it's "give a thumbs up sign to random strangers don't pat them on the ass it's creepy" day.
But make sure you look them in the eyes.
According to sociologists the increased use of the internet is contributing to a drastic decline in the number of close friends that Americans have.
According to the study the number of people who say they have no one to talk to about important matters has more than doubled. And the number of people that respond and said they discuss important matters with fell from about 3 to 2.
Wait, I thought you said close friends. Now you're talking about people who you discuss important matters with.
Last night my close friends and I discussed how many hamburgers it would be possible to eat in 24 hours.
I think 100 is too high.
We were discussing whether the rules for a 24-hour hamburger eating contest would disallow laxatives.
I felt like everything was fair game as long as nothing came back out the hole you put it in. That at least solves the binge-and-purge loophole.
Sociologist Lyn Smith Levin, who apparently feels qualified to make these sorts of statements, said: “This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people creates a safety net.”
That safety net also borrows articles of clothing and doesn’t return them. And has reoccurring birthdays that I have to buy things for. And constantly reminds you of who they perceive you to be at the expense of what you’d like to become. And then they ask you to feed their animals. And get mad at you for changing.
Hey, here's an idea! Maybe since this massively networked world is still in its adolescence we're still trying to work out the rules of communication and friendship. Just because you see something we've traditionally relied on disappear, it doesn't mean we're [tornado fang]'d.
Oh yeah and happy Halloween. I spent my day working a 9 hours shift and being sick as hell and now I am sitting in front of the computer typing this on this forum with a questionable layout.
I hope you had as much fun as I did.
HMMM-HM.
5
Off The Wall / The history of male's underwear
« on: October 31, 2009, 05:01:57 AM »
The earliest record of men's underwears comes from prehistoric people who wore leather loin cloths. Leather, of course, is known for its breathability and the fact that it doesn't collect odor. hrhrr.
Egyptians punted on the leather opting instead for a cloth wrap that they wore under skirts. Pharaohs were even buried with extra pairs to protect their after-life nanas.
In ancient Greece, slaves wore linen cloth but the greeks didn't.
Lacking lower arms the greek had found this tradition quite cumbersome.
The Romans briefly brought the loin cloth back but by the middle ages we'd all forgotten how to bathe. Baggy linens were used to seal and contain like one would with a fine cheese. Then the renaissance came.
With the birth of perspective [ray splasher]s were now in three dimensions and posed additional challenges.
Cross-dressing was all the rage and men often wore tight hose with a large opening at the crotchimus vertex. Yes, that is the correct term.
As the doublet outer garment became shorter this became awkward at limbo competitions.
The cod-piece solved that problem but like all things rrrrelated to the fish, size exaggeration became the norm. By the time of Henry the Eighth cod-pieces had spun out of control. Heavily padded and often doubling as pockets.
Teenagers around the world pay homage by occasionally stuffing their weed down there.
Henry's youngest daughter Elizabeth the First never got married and became sick of looking at a bunch of equipment she couldn't use. So underwear became boring again.
By the 1800s, Americans were wearing long underwear made out of wool. This was the cause of the Civil War.
The birth of the modern boxer short is attributed to John L. Sullivan who in the 1880s was a boxer.
The modern boxer short - pictured here - has four key components. The back of the boxer short is referred to as the score card. The score card acts as a blank canvas onto which is projected a record of one's bathroom hygiene. Next the boxer short is equipped with a straight forward version of what is called the portal. The portal acts as a gateway between the outside world and your special forest.
Boxers are also equipped with two handy adjustment flaps. Adjustment flaps come in handy during a phenomenon called bunching. Adjustment flaps can be used to initiate a unilateral reset or a bilateral reset. Finally each pair of boxers comes equipped with an elastic erection containment strap.
If you don't know what an erection is. To the best of my knowledge, it was invented in 1980 as an joint-venture between Lonnie Anderson and Valerie Bertinelli. Oh and I think Joe from Facts of Life. And Ricky Schroeder?
Oh, no, that was something else.
A more advanced underwear known as the brief is pictured here. Not for beginners, notice the lack of adjustment straps. Bunching is dealt with using a variety of advanced techniques. It is advised that wearers first master boxer adjustment to avoid injury. Briefs also come with a complex portal, perfect for when you're in a hurry.
For those who may wonder I myself have a preference for a hybrid: The boxer brief.
They combine the adjustment strap technology of the boxer with the fertility reduction of the brief.
But for most it's a matter of taste and convenience. Much like a horse eventually gets used to feel of his jockey.
Get it? Jockey!
...
:c
derpaderpiederp
6
General / TOP 6 OF THE MANLIEST JOBS EVER
« on: October 30, 2009, 09:12:17 PM »
IF YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HAND OUT RESUME IN SISSY PLACES, I PREPARED FOR YOU A TOP 6 OF THE MANLIEST JOBS EVER IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE
NUMBER 6
BLACKSMITH
NUMBER 5
SMEARING GREASE ON PADLOCKS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S MADE OUT OF METAL
NUMBER 4
POACHERS EXECUTIONER
NUMBER 3
HANDYMAN
NUMBER 2
GIANT
AND FINALLY NUMBER 1
BOUNTYHUNTER HUNTER
AND BY THE WAY NONE OF THOSE JOBS REQUIRE A EDUCATION BECAUSE LEARNING IS FOR SISSIES
PIRATE
VIKING
PIRATE
VIKING
PICKING
[tornado fang] THIS POST IS ALREADY OVER I'D LIKE TO THANKS ALL THE REAL MEN READING, MACHINE GUNS, THE MARINES, THE ARMY AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT GOES BOOOOOOM!
COME BACK NEXT WEEK AS WE'RE GOING TO INTERVIEW AN ERUPTING VOLCANO
NUMBER 6
BLACKSMITH
NUMBER 5
SMEARING GREASE ON PADLOCKS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S MADE OUT OF METAL
NUMBER 4
POACHERS EXECUTIONER
NUMBER 3
HANDYMAN
NUMBER 2
GIANT
AND FINALLY NUMBER 1
BOUNTYHUNTER HUNTER
AND BY THE WAY NONE OF THOSE JOBS REQUIRE A EDUCATION BECAUSE LEARNING IS FOR SISSIES
PIRATE
VIKING
PIRATE
VIKING
PICKING
[tornado fang] THIS POST IS ALREADY OVER I'D LIKE TO THANKS ALL THE REAL MEN READING, MACHINE GUNS, THE MARINES, THE ARMY AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT GOES BOOOOOOM!
COME BACK NEXT WEEK AS WE'RE GOING TO INTERVIEW AN ERUPTING VOLCANO
Pages: 1