Nova's writing place, just that.

Black Mage J · 9738

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This poll is convoluted.
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I am not a number, I am a free man

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Offline Black Mage J

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on: November 28, 2009, 09:45:27 PM
So im gonna write things, if you dont like it, dont keep reading, its your fualt. Im gonna just, keep writing, forever...[spoiler]One.Two.Three.Four. Four game and three arrows, thats what all great archers do on regular occasions, or rather thats what one great archer does every day. Tryn had moved on from what he used to do when he was a kid, now that his uncle wasnt around anymore it was his job to get the food and flirt with every girl he saw, well maybe his uncle didnt do that last part. Tryn was suppsoed to get 4 game, and a turkey every once in a while, load htem onto the truck and sell any turkey to the nobles, they all thought turkey a delicacy, it wouldnt be so rare if they got off thier butts to find some food, Tryn thought. All the hunting was good work, and it kept him and his big brother well fed throughout the months. Today he returned home as usual,sat down in one of the six or seven tables int he resturuant Tryn and his brother owned, and wait for people who were cocky enough to think they could win against Tryn in arm wrestling. Tryn always loved to arm wrestle he even got money sometimes, but he had to be careful, if someone looked more muscular than him than he might as well give up,Tryns brother,Herv didnt like him to use his magic on ones who couldnt, Tryn could even feel Herv's eyes burn into his soul everytime Tryn would accept a challenge from one of the so called "guardians" who protect the town when they dont get drunk. I am th eone who truly kills the wolves and foxes who ravage through our town, they just stand there half asleep, thought Tryn. "Pardon! I have a letter for sir Tryn Masked!" Burst the messenger as he jostled others out of the way " I am not a 'sir', Messenger man" Said Tryn as cooly as he could, but it still came out frantic and the words fell on top of each other, worst of all, the whole resturuant had gone silent, no one gets visited by the royal messenger unless the nobles want something, particully a head. The messenger thrust out a leeter, the paper seemed to glow with importance, Tryn took the letter, and exchanged a glance with the messenger before he left. Tryn nonchalantly walked toward the back end of the resteruant where he could go in his room to read the letter in peace.He saw the other side of the note, it had a stamp, it had a little piece of a map, where something was surronded by mountains and forests."Uncle" was all Tryn could choke out at this revalation.
[/spoiler]



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #1 on: November 28, 2009, 11:34:12 PM
It's not bad, but I'd just like to point out a few things...

- I think you should hone your spelling and grammar. Correct punctuation and spelling is a must for a good writer!
- Paragraphs. Space your writing out with paragraphs. Trust me, it makes it look a lot less cluttered and readable.
- Don't let your sentences run on too long! It can be pardoned if you're making a lengthy point or need to elaborate on something, or even a ridiculously-drawn-out sentence for humour's sake; but periods, colons, semi-colons and hyphens are your friend. Also, don't abuse commas.
- Proper spacing between words and sentences is very important!
- When you're putting in quotation marks, it's a good idea to put a comma in there to break the speech, e.g. "Fantastic," said Mary, "I'll be there tonight at seven."

Good luck!



Offline Rin

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Reply #2 on: November 28, 2009, 11:40:23 PM
Are you serious? I mean, I know my writing is not gold(it's pretty crap actually, especially in english), but seriously man. This is... something new.

Okay, I will try to be contructive.

First thing, be so kind as to proofread. As in, try to read your story three, foour or AT LEAST two times. You know, to spot mistakes and shizz? I admit, I'm [tornado fang]ing guilty of missing quite few grammatical and spelling errors in my stories, even if I read it FIVE times. Since I suck.

Second thing, be so kind as to use paragraphs... or at least separate the text using >>ENTER<<, like I do. You know, so it won't be such a hard to read clusterfuck.

Third thing, If this is just a prologue, then I'm sorry if I'm making a mistake, but you should try to make them at least a bit longer. The stories, I mean.

Oh, and one more thing.
If you can't proofread too well, then ask someone else to proofread for you.

PEACE OUT!

..................

[tornado fang]! LUCKY STAR! DAMN YOU! WHY IN THE HELL I WAS WRITING THIS POST FOR?!



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #3 on: November 28, 2009, 11:44:06 PM
[tornado fang]! LUCKY STAR! DAMN YOU! WHY IN THE HELL I WAS WRITING THIS POST FOR?!

I'm just gonna rub the proverbial salt in your verbal wounds and point out it's "what in the hell". Or, if you want to keep the "why", omit the "for". Otherwise it comes out as Department of Redundancy Department.

n_n



Offline Rin

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Reply #4 on: November 28, 2009, 11:49:36 PM
I'm just gonna rub the proverbial salt in your verbal wounds and point out it's "what in the hell". Or, if you want to keep the "why", omit the "for". Otherwise it comes out as Department of Redundancy Department.

n_n
You're dead. >:|
jk
I will take a note of that.


Anyway, Nova, I will be watching you, to see what kind of progress you shall make.



Offline Dr. Wily II

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Reply #5 on: November 29, 2009, 07:09:10 AM
I also noticed words like thats, didnt...
Don't forget the usage of ' as well.


I'm watching you all. Always watching.


Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #6 on: December 01, 2009, 11:22:43 PM
Since I am bored and there is nothing to do but play Mabinogi, Ill just sit down and shed light on these characters.
I was going to try and make a prolouge, showing the events of what happened before Tryn and his bro came to this city, but it would be more boring, so Illl just talk about that later on. This first one was just done quickly to see the reaction it would get, the next part will possibly take more time to finish up, checking spelling and all.
Anyways, chracter bios. Bias. Pinatas.
[spoiler]Tryn Masked: Tryn is one of the many main characters in this story, but not the lead, I started with him becuase I wanted to make all the stories the others have seam together with the main character's.Tryn enjoys to hunt, as his uncle taught him. He can be reckless at times, that being that his brother is the person who always fixes everything. One of the only people that has released the latent magic inside him, the others will remain unknown, thoguh I bet you all know who. Prefers to handle his problems more relaxed since he believes that anger just blinds you from the truth. He loves his bow that was his uncle's before him. His last name was created once they got to thier new home to show that he is maskign his true power.

Herv Prometheus Masked:Tryn's older brother and very strict with his rules of hiding thier magic. He perfers not to solve problems with violence and would rather discuss it than kill people for your reasons. Though he was tuaght to fight, but with only a shield which suits him well as he disarms his oponeant rather than killing him. He is of legal age to own the resteruant/bakery by using his uncle's money that was stored and to be opened once he died. Herv is actually the name of his uncle, since Herv was not yet of legal age to own a house or property, he used his uncle's name to own it legally, as he resembles him more so than his own parents. Though there is trouble explaining why Tryn is living with Herv and not his parents or real family, to which Herv responds "Adoption. Order something or get out."[/spoilerOkay, I was going to edit this, but I thought, what the hell and posted it anyways since I wont be on at all for the next week or so, enjoy.[spoiler]Rose Dvoure, A beautiful young woman with skills with a rapier that matched her grace and beauty.
Her name, it wasnt her true name rather an adopted one to escape from her past. She lived in a very rich part of the city where servants bustled through and people even had gold for thier babies to wear. Obnoxious, she thought, everyone here wants to show how much money or power they have over people. I dont know why im still living in this place, my money will run low if I keep living here. Though she had been living here for four years, and the riches she got from her dead relatives didnt seem to stop flowing. The nobles' messenger always stopped at her luxorious house, it was not as large as the other houses. Though comfortable enough for her.
          Rose would never admit it, but she has always been terrified of being alone in big places.  She remembered the world is one big place. Her friends might be dead and she might not know it.Now she was nervous and jumpy. Now she had to send a note to one of her friends, no, she had to go visit one. its been so long since she had seen any of them. Rifling through the names in her head, she tried to pick the one who would possibly take her in. Herv would certainly raise an eyebrow and start asking questions at the sight of her and her fnacy clothing.
      Kai would be too busy studying for whatever he did. Nina is always on the move, selling, exploring and collecting. So she decided to go visit Toraku, she liked him the most, then she started getting embarrased at thinking what he would say if she just showed up at his house.Footsteps, not the familiar click-clack of the messenger's shoes. strong iron, clank-clank, someone barking orders, she had heard this voice before, but when?
     Thats when it hit her. The people at Arden, the city that lied between the mountains, the inpenetrable fortress before "they" attacked. She knew this day would come. What perfect timing! "Dear nobles lend me your ears! We are the crusaders and we are  here to conquer every last grain of sand in this entire city! Do as we say or we shall lop off your head with no remorse!" Someone instructed, it was the same general, saying the same speech. If Arden didnt stand a chance against an invasion, everyone here is doomed. Not me, Rose thought, she grabbed a map of the the surronding lands, her best weapon and packed it all just as she had practiced all these four years. Going towards the closet, she took off her dress and put on a pair of pants,they were made for men, so it was big and floppy over her slim, quick legs. Rose jumped throguh the back window, there her horse already saddled and ready to ride, she pulled on the riens and ran away from the city. I just hope Toraku has been practicing with his blades, Rose thought.[/spoiler]
« Last Edit: January 08, 2010, 02:28:07 AM by Black Nova »



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #7 on: January 08, 2010, 02:36:35 AM
Hey guys, this thing is still alive, though now I went and destroyed my last post cuase of you people! Well since I don't have the original file to re-upload and since NO ONE comes around now, I went and made a REEEEEAL quick poemish thing about my Black Lantern Corps, which I just made cuase it popped into my head
The stars collide, forming light, but once they fall, they will inhale us all, your precious sun, shall soon die out, and the core you will find no more,
So come rejoice as you rejoice for now, but your blinding light will soon die out. I am a star, so dark and black, and one by one your heroes fall.

Now be grateful I have remembered I haven't forgotten this place, and you guys could, like, post so I don't have to keep posting oh so much?



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Reply #8 on: January 08, 2010, 02:40:43 AM
Oh yes, I'm just brimming with gratitude.



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #9 on: January 08, 2010, 02:45:19 AM
Of course you are, or else you wouldn't read my posts.



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #10 on: January 09, 2010, 05:11:13 PM
Not bad, but it's a bit long. From what I've seen, Lantern Corps oaths seem to quartets that follow an AA-AA or AA-BB rhyming scheme. Might I suggest something else?

The stars will die and kill the light
The world will fall to endless night
The sun will weep for Black Nova's core
Your heroes fall, the day is no more!



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #11 on: January 09, 2010, 09:24:27 PM
Not bad, but it's a bit long. From what I've seen, Lantern Corps oaths seem to quartets that follow an AA-BB rhyming scheme. Might I suggest something else?

The stars will die and kill the light
The world will fall to endless night
The sun will weep for Black Nova's core
Your heroes fall, the day is no more!

Yours sounds better than mine, mind if I swipe it, for entertaintional reasons?
And one small thing to say, since I am not on my own computer, and this is a mac, I have no clue how to put in a freaking SD card of me lancelot Albion posing, or practically do anything with my stories, as upload them, as I call it, or revise them, so I'll be hitting you with solid rock short stories and loooong poems during the week and duration. I have this little tiny piece of a story here which I will post as soon as my mind sorts it out to a least a paragraph or two.



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #12 on: January 09, 2010, 11:42:13 PM
If I didn't want you to use it, would I have posted it? =P

Go right ahead, it's all yours.



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #13 on: February 19, 2010, 04:59:27 PM
Well now, before I do crap, I'll upload a picture of Lancelot Albion posing bad-asically!

And heres a tiiiiny little story!
[spoiler]Black twig, the greatest assassin in all of france, he could drag people into the river before they could insult his hairdo. This weeks target was Nelt Mern, a creepy man who was getting suspicious to the death corporation. Today he might try to kill him using poison in his water, life is good.[/spoiler]

And theres some thing to keep you satisfied, for now.

Posted on: January 10, 2010, 06:36:26 PM
Heres a thing I wrote, half set in reality, 1/4 in what would be cool 1/4 just making it up as I go along.
[spoiler]The streets were so fully packed with dozens of people going to and fro the shops and banks set in the city, some carrying suitcases others backpacks and even luggage for those light movers. Today my destination was one of my most favorite places. as you walked down the street the sweet scent of cinnamon rolls made you close your eyes and take it all in, the bakery had just finished their dough treats. Their delicious bread could be split in two with just a hand, and the butter would simply melt as the warm bread absorbed the butter. Caramel and custard tarts known as flan were being served, the sweet caramel like sauce and the square custard were always best once done with the main course. Here I came to enjoy a saturday night with friends or enjoy sunday dinner with family. On the walls hang ornaments of the Inca civilization such as odd shovels and intricate drawings carved on wood. There were replicas of Chilean hats and the spikes cowboys would wear on their boots.
    This entire place was secluded, as far away from the city towers and hidden as can be, the outside was always the same, bland. To many it was a secret hidden away, a place to converse with friends and eat and dance on occasions. The owner had been a friend of mine for quite some time now, we often chatted away when he should have been serving guests. As I walked in the same smells came to me, and there was the owner, taking his orders as he switched from english to spanish. I sat down and ordered the same thing I always had, a churasco and a coke. My friend wasn't the fastest to fill orders, but he got it done anyhow. I stretched and looked at the big TV broadcasting yet another futbol game.
    The sandwich came to me, with its avocado and sizzling meat, and of course the famous french fries that came with almost every meal and everyone who came here knew why. As I took a bite of the fries I took in the fried taste and texture of the outside skin, soft and homemade. Finishing the sandwich I went to the counter and paid my bill, it was pretty cheap for such a good meal. Walking out I saw my friends, the owners kids, as they greeted me, in this place there were only fond memories and great meals.[/spoiler]



Posted on: January 12, 2010, 08:27:04 PM
I made a poll so I can know if people read these things, posting helps you know. :(
...... ;^;

Posted on: January 28, 2010, 10:48:05 PM
Here is another piece of my masterpiece, I do hope you enjoy it. I will continue that story I was writing about some year ago.[spoiler]As the sun set, Toraku emerged from his house, staring at the beautiful picture nature has drawn him. He was always trying to catch the sunset though his work usually got in the way of it. A scent floated in the air, it was out of place with the smells of autumn. Then he saw smoke coming from the north of the village. Toraku realized what was happening, pirates had invaded the village, his mind had only time to process that fact before his feet started moving was quick as they could. A shield materialized at his side, along with a broadsword by his left arm. The hill that covered the houses from Toraku's point of view rolled behind, as he gazed at the fires, none of them spilling onto the grass and flowers, perfectly burning the houses only. Toraku glanced at his right, where an axe was hurtling toward him. He had time to deflect the axe with his buckler.
   As the axe slid off, Toraku counterattacked with a jab towards the ribs, though he did not expect there to be armor there. Toraku then saw the isignia of the Zamex army, the bomb had finally blown between the two countries and Zamex had pressed the big red button. Toraku dodged another axe swing as he sliced upward, ribbing off the chain mail and sending the man reeling. Finishing the man with a thrust to the chest, Toraku was smacked against the wall by another soldier on a horse. Toraku was suddenly staring at a lance aimed perfectly at his throat, his hairs standing up and his mind racing for a solution. Toraku materialized a small shield to crush the spear,he then got his feet back on the ground and flew upwards, his left arm a flurry of swings and blood raining everywhere.
   Toraku threw the man off his horse and jumped on it, taking the reins and escaping the terrible scene. He didn't need anything from his house, he was a metalition, a man who could spin shields and mix blades and magic to create weapons beyond a standard person's reach. [/spoiler]

Posted on: February 01, 2010, 10:40:00 PM
Commander Friedrich von Reinstag

"I didn't spend seven years trudging through mud and hedges to fight amateurs like you. Drop your weapons and bring me a real warrior."

Height: 6'4"
Weight: 140 lbs

Weapon of choice: Siebenkrieg, a zweihander sword with a rust-brown pommel, thick hilt and red gemstone encrusted in the centre. It actually consists of two blades, each one travelling straight upwards from the pommel, then meeting at the top to form a single blade. It is about half an inch thick, though it narrows and is sharpened at either edge. He wears it strapped over his back with a leather sash.
Secondary weapon(s): A pair of single-edged hunting knives, held in small scabbards on his belt.

Appearance: Tall, well-built and inherently intimidating; eyes always half-closed, one of them is grey and has a scar across it; hefty jaw and stiff upper lip; mane of dark-brown hair that circles all the way around his head, as with an actual lion's mane; hair forms sideburns and a beard, with small moustache-like points emerging to go beneath his nose; leather undershirt and shirt with a metal chestplate, metal shoulderpad on his right side, iron gauntlets, iron boots and iron greaves; leather belt with a gold shield-esque buckle at the centre, has a red gemstone on it; clothing is notably stitched and repaired in some parts.

Personality: Gruff, dutiful, strong-willed, intelligent, resourceful, respectful, stoic, earnest, adamant, compassionate towards his men, ruthless towards his foes, nevertheless honourable in battle.
This character was created by the greatest writer in this place, Lucky Star, so that's why its so damn good. Though I did tell him a few things about how i wanted the character created, he has done this for free and is awesome. Also he would like to have blue hair, we can relate.


Posted on: February 06, 2010, 04:07:43
I could not sleep, so I decided to make a poem about this one guy named Black Nova, normal guy, doesn't do much, just hangs around.

Black Nova

This man isn't ever really there,
The things he says are never rare
No one bothers to give him a run
Except Hitomi, who wants to enslave you all
Practically the only guy who doesn't sprite or draw
Although he writes, it's sub-par, say all
If only he could the writings of Lucky
Too bad his writing is too rusty
Well at least he can come up with a story arc
If his mind hits a spark
There really isn't much more to tell
Hey, how long has he been standing there?



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #14 on: February 19, 2010, 05:13:16 PM
Hahah, not bad at all. I got a chuckle out of it, at any rate.



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #15 on: February 27, 2010, 09:05:53 AM
I am the big bomb
Explosions I love though
I might kill you all



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #16 on: June 06, 2010, 04:10:51 AM
I stand there with my hands on my hips, my left foot tapping the floor slowly, like I am afraid the floor might yell "Ow!" If I set my toe down too fast.
In front of me are seven people, one with a cute  face, but I wouldn't dare say that out loud, what kind of boy says 'cute'? Seems to be fidgeting with his clothes, like they're too short and he might be afraid someone sees his stomach, but he's skinny, his chest puffs out a bit, and his hair is slightly longer than the rest, but I only notice because I've been staring at him for as long as this description is. Black hair with light eyebrows, his shirt is really big, but his pants aren't.Those clothes were picked by the gym teacher, like everyone's clothes. Maybe the gym teacher is a pedophile.

Second one is smiling, a huge smile, like he's nervous that he knows something no one else knows. Might remember to pressure him a bit. His short blond hair is unkempt, like his pillow started munching on his head when he was asleep. His hands are by his side, twitching ever so slightly. His right foot seems to be trying to escape from the rest of his body. His eyes have that type of gray foggy look, like if I were to stare into them for a long time I'd-what was I thinking now?

Third guy is small, it looks like he has no neck, his face has this weird look to it, like he is ready to burst into a it of giggles. His hair is barely there, like the crops are just about to grow. His clothes fit perfectly, and his black hair and black eyes make him look creepy, like he's just so happy he's here with a bunch of boys.

Fourth guy has this rebellious look, his eyes dart around like we already started playing. He stares at the first boy, who doesn't seem to notice. The first boy has his eyes set on me; it makes me feel a bit nervous as he gets a cute smile on his face. I wonder if I might be gay for him. Anyways, the boy just can't seem to keep his eyes in one place for longer than two minutes. His legs look scrawny, his entire physique does actually.

I give up deciding whats wrong with the rest of the kids, I just pick the first, second and fourth boys. The rest form their own group and we begin to play. Once class is over we return to our lockers, the boy I picked first goes into the bathroom to change, then I'm struck dumbfounded that I didn't figure it out earlier.



Offline Alice in Entropy

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Reply #17 on: June 06, 2010, 04:13:35 AM
Not bad, not bad at all. You're getting better, at any rate.



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #18 on: June 06, 2010, 04:33:38 AM
I was trying to figure out how to give a characters appearance, so I made some up, made one a transvestite then I needed a way to close the story in some way.



Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #19 on: June 18, 2010, 06:13:00 AM
Contemplating this, I take the train home to school, I had begged my parents not to send me to an all boys school. That I wouldn't get such social interactions with girls, leaving me shy and awkward around them. But they had just insisted; and so while I stood there like an idiot the train started moving and I nearly tumbled onto the cold metal ground. I caught myself before I took a nice heavy bruise. I stood up and looked at the beautiful shades of blue the mountains made in the distance. With a good short sigh I found myself a seat, and to my startling luck I find myself next to him, or her, whichever. Barely noticing me despite the fact I nearly stumbled as she also looks ahead at the mountains. My cousin told me that without these trains that placed themselves high above the streets, it would really be difficult to get around the city. He was the kind of guy who is amazed by things most of us take for granted, the mountains protecting us ahead, the free train service, and the hot dog salesmen. I said 'hi' to him, her, hir. She greeted back with a smile that pried into me, like she wanted to be friends, or maybe not. We talked for a while, school things mostly, she left to her stop and once again I realized I never asked why she dressed herself as a boy. I guess I really don't want anything new to startle me.



Offline Mirby

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Reply #20 on: June 18, 2010, 06:26:33 AM
ACK! WALL OF TEXT!

Sorry, I don't read walls of text.

OH [parasitic bomb] IM USING LINK AND I ACCIDENTALLY FINAL SMASHED A CUCCO OH GOD HELP
Just enjoy yourself, don't complain about everything


Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #21 on: August 05, 2010, 02:36:38 AM
A few scrolls more
Then I'll level up again
It never ends




Posted on: July 02, 2010, 18:11:05
The glory of war
It is wonderful to kill
And so is death



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Reply #22 on: August 05, 2010, 03:46:44 AM
people die if they're killed



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Reply #23 on: August 05, 2010, 04:46:46 AM
That's like saying water is wet.

Entertaining Nova, keep writing.


Offline Black Mage J

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Reply #24 on: September 03, 2010, 12:44:41 AM
Thanks, I'm glad someone likes my writin'

And with thy blade, take your partner's life and drink their blood, unless thy life shall be enslaved and thy mind scratched out by nightmares

Seriously, do it now.