The history of male's underwear

Stainless · 11797

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Offline Stainless

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on: October 31, 2009, 05:01:57 AM



The earliest record of men's underwears comes from prehistoric people who wore leather loin cloths. Leather, of course, is known for its breathability and the fact that it doesn't collect odor. hrhrr.



Egyptians punted on the leather opting instead for a cloth wrap that they wore under skirts. Pharaohs were even buried with extra pairs to protect their after-life nanas.


In ancient Greece, slaves wore linen cloth but the greeks didn't.



Lacking lower arms the greek had found this tradition quite cumbersome.


The Romans briefly brought the loin cloth back but by the middle ages we'd all forgotten how to bathe. Baggy linens were used to seal and contain like one would with a fine cheese. Then the renaissance came.


With the birth of perspective [ray splasher]s were now in three dimensions and posed additional challenges.

Cross-dressing was all the rage and men often wore tight hose with a large opening at the crotchimus vertex. Yes, that is the correct term.

As the doublet outer garment became shorter this became awkward at limbo competitions.



The cod-piece solved that problem but like all things rrrrelated to the fish, size exaggeration became the norm. By the time of Henry the Eighth cod-pieces had spun out of control. Heavily padded and often doubling as pockets.

Teenagers around the world pay homage by occasionally stuffing their weed down there.

Henry's youngest daughter Elizabeth the First never got married and became sick of looking at a bunch of equipment she couldn't use. So underwear became boring again.



By the 1800s, Americans were wearing long underwear made out of wool. This was the cause of the Civil War.



The birth of the modern boxer short is attributed to John L. Sullivan who in the 1880s was a boxer.

The modern boxer short - pictured here - has four key components. The back of the boxer short is referred to as the score card. The score card acts as a blank canvas onto which is projected a record of one's bathroom hygiene. Next the boxer short is equipped with a straight forward version of what is called the portal. The portal acts as a gateway between the outside world and your special forest.

Boxers are also equipped with two handy adjustment flaps. Adjustment flaps come in handy during a phenomenon called bunching. Adjustment flaps can be used to initiate a unilateral reset or a bilateral reset. Finally each pair of boxers comes equipped with an elastic erection containment strap.

If you don't know what an erection is. To the best of my knowledge, it was invented in 1980 as an joint-venture between Lonnie Anderson and Valerie Bertinelli. Oh and I think Joe from Facts of Life. And Ricky Schroeder?

Oh, no, that was something else.




A more advanced underwear known as the brief is pictured here. Not for beginners, notice the lack of adjustment straps. Bunching is dealt with using a variety of advanced techniques. It is advised that wearers first master boxer adjustment to avoid injury. Briefs also come with a complex portal, perfect for when you're in a hurry.


For those who may wonder I myself have a preference for a hybrid: The boxer brief.






 They combine the adjustment strap technology of the boxer with the fertility reduction of the brief.

But for most it's a matter of taste and convenience. Much like a horse eventually gets used to feel of his jockey.

Get it? Jockey!

...

:c

derpaderpiederp
« Last Edit: November 01, 2009, 08:11:23 AM by Stainless »



Offline Sky

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Reply #1 on: October 31, 2009, 05:09:06 AM
it's a thong

squemp


Offline Keno

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Reply #2 on: October 31, 2009, 05:30:24 AM
This thread has a lot of bulges.



Offline Cpie

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Reply #3 on: October 31, 2009, 03:48:37 PM
A brief story.

 Get it?
 Get it?



Offline Keno

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Reply #4 on: October 31, 2009, 04:35:41 PM
I get it.



Offline Night

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Reply #5 on: November 01, 2009, 04:58:53 AM
Someone's shooting for the funniest member award...



Offline Dr. Wily II

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Reply #6 on: November 01, 2009, 05:54:16 AM
A brief story.
Should change the thread name to this for more impact.


I'm watching you all. Always watching.


Offline Stainless

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Reply #7 on: November 01, 2009, 06:03:08 AM
Should change the thread name to this for more impact.

no

i am very much classier than that



Offline Flame

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Reply #8 on: November 01, 2009, 07:47:12 AM
I prefer the boxer brief myself.

...When Larry the reploid accountant goes maverick of his own accord, he's certainly formidable during tax season, but he isn't going to provide X the challenge needed to make him grow as a warrior and reach his potential.


Offline Stainless

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Reply #9 on: November 01, 2009, 08:10:51 AM
i think it would be p. rad if people didn't edit my topic's title to substitute my humor with their own

its kinda rude



Offline Sky

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Reply #10 on: November 01, 2009, 08:19:23 AM
they do that a lot here

squemp


Offline Gotham Ranger

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Reply #11 on: November 01, 2009, 12:15:59 PM

I can't think of a subtle way of letting it known I want to handle this man



Offline Cpie

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Reply #12 on: November 01, 2009, 05:04:45 PM
i think it would be p. rad if people didn't edit my topic's title to substitute my humor with their own

its kinda rude
Gee how old are you? 12?

Besides, I didn't replace it.



Offline Align

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Reply #13 on: November 01, 2009, 05:09:26 PM
...He didn't even mention you?



Offline Cpie

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Reply #14 on: November 01, 2009, 05:11:42 PM
A brief story.
Should change the thread name to this for more impact.
no
i am very much classier than that
i think it would be p. rad if people didn't edit my topic's title to substitute my humor with their own

its kinda rude

 Whatever.



Offline Stainless

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Reply #15 on: November 02, 2009, 06:56:13 AM
if you check title of previous posts including the one where i mentionned the title being changed

you will notice that it was indeed changed

investigation skills r us

also i never accused you because i have no idea who the hell is a moderator here and really i dont care

and i really really love how i am accused of being twelve because i am asking for a minimum of respect on intellectual property

yes yes



Offline Rin

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Reply #16 on: November 02, 2009, 01:25:35 PM
intellectual property
Quote
post on the internet
LOL WAT



Offline Night

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Reply #17 on: November 02, 2009, 02:02:28 PM
well, he did as for the minimum; I can at least give him that...



Offline Cpie

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Reply #18 on: November 02, 2009, 07:16:48 PM
being twelve because i am asking for a minimum of respect on intellectual property

..just ..LOL