So. The truth comes out. Good. Right. I'm glad. No, really, I am. My last "I'm leaving forever" post was meant to be in jest, but I'm glad everyone's taking it so seriously. And letting all the dirty laundry out. People have wondered why I'm so paranoid and insecure. Well, it doesn't help me in the slightest that my paranoid suspicions are, nine times out of ten, right on the money. The fact that the community regulars have a strong dislike or discomfort about me confirms something I suspected for quite a while now actually. I couldn't pinpoint why people didn't like me, but now that I know, I'm going to address it.
[spoiler=Long, very long rant.]Something I've seen mentioned a few times here is the fact that I'm a flirt. What people don't seem to realize, or willingly ignore, is the fact that my flirtations are not a genuine attempt to woo anyone. I flirt with people for fun. If they enjoy the attention, great. If not, oh well, I tried. I am not trying to use this or any other site as a "dating site" because, despite belief to the contrary, I'm not that desperate for companionship. I wasn't months ago and I'm not especially now. Months ago, I didn't need anyone in my life, but having someone would have been nice. Nowadays? I still don't need anyone... but I do have someone.
I have a best friend. The best friend I've ever had in my entire life. And she adores me. Wow! Imagine that! Someone actually adores me for who I am and doesn't abash me for what I'm not! We have a very close relationship and we get along fabulously. Despite all the rumors about me she's heard and been told, all the garbage and bullshit, she loves me for who I am. She appreciates the good and tolerates the bad. And I do the same for her. Because that's what friends do. I'm sure some of you are familiar with the concept. Then again, I don't really care since none of you were ever truly my friend, much less a "best" friend. Which brings me to my next topic... The thing about Quickman.
There was a time when I thought we were friends, she and I. Just friends. I never fooled myself into thinking otherwise, despite the fact that I was (apparently obviously) quite fond of her. Our friendship was during an unpleasant period of her life. I was trying to be a good friend and help her through that rough period, but ou know... I probably didn't do [parasitic bomb] for her. She seemed happy to chat with me and I enjoyed the conversations we had. I was very excited when she used one of my ideas in a comic. She even confided things in me... I thought. Maybe it was public knowledge. I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that I enjoyed the friendship while it lasted. Before she disappeared and hid herself in the Star Wars communities. I assumed that was her way of coping. Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong. Maybe she never actually left and I just didn't notice. Who can say? It's all in the past now.
It was mentioned that I can be summed up as "that guy who works on fan games and flirts with everyone". The latter, I've already addressed. For the former however, there's two thngs I'd like to address...
Firstly, who the [tornado fang] are you to dictate how I spend my time? If I want to spend all day, every day working on fan games and fiddling with music, why should that matter to you? And how, prey tell, does that reflect who I genuine am besides? If something someone else does bothers you to a point where you actively judge them, maybe it's you who has the problem.
Secondly, I do far, far more than just [tornado fang] with fan game things. You wouldn't know this by my posts here at Rockman Perfect Memories, but you know what? I came here to talk about Rockman -- oh, excuse me. I mean Mega Man -- because... gasp! This is a Mega Man fan community!! Oh my Goooood! I dare I talk about Mega Man in a relevant place! Seriously though. I don't know why it comes as such a surprise that people on a Mega Man community forum are talking about Mega Man or mentioning working on fan games. I dare say that people people who signed up here did so with the sole intent of doing that and only that! Kind of like me. Go figure.
It was also mentioned that I seem to constantly "troll bait". A lot of the time, it was less I was baiting them and more attempting to keep some degree of civility on the forums -- something that apparently eludes many of you. Sure, I could have ignored the people that disliked me. But why should I? Why should I have to bite my tongue when I'm not the one trying to start [parasitic bomb]? Why should I be the one who has to be "the bigger man" and stay perfectly quite while people harass me and others? Why should I have to tolerate such bullshit?
Civility. That's why. I, the person being harassed, would always be in the wrong if I dare speak out against the people doing the harassing. But it's just not in my nature to exclude people, even if they're being assholes. So I attempt to be civil. I take the slings and arrows in stride and go about my business. I satirize and jest, all the while wondering what it is that I did to ensite such behavior. Maybe I just have a big target on my back that say "easy prey". Maybe that's why I've been harassed off and on for years on-end by one or more nameless figures. Maybe my facade of being cool and collected just isn't good enough and people know that deep down, I get genuinely upset when someone has it out for me when I, to the best of my knowledge, haven't done anything to deserve it. Even if the harassment is completely incidental... for literally no reason other than to get a reaction...
I can tell the difference between "funning" and genuine dislike and no less than three people have shown a genuine and constant dislike for me here in the past, though now many, many more have spoken up. But I can't help but wonder why it always ends up being me who's harassed. My only guess is my intolerance to bullshit and my inability to keep my mouth shut. The whole "play it off like it's nothing" trick doesn't work. There will always be assholes who know where to find me and know how to get under my skin. I just wonder why people like this get such enjoyment from something that seems to utterly pointless and stupid to me. Harassing people, anonymously or not, was never all that interesting to me. I'd like to think that means I'm more mature than most people on the Internet... but the majority of people would beg to differ, given my personality, traits, and interests.
So. The general consensus is the fact that I am genuinely unwanted in this community. My suspicions were right all along and you know... part of me is glad. As I said, I have a 90% accuracy when it comes to this sort of thing. I just wish people had been a bit more bold about telling me before it was decided that a bandwagon was the best way to let it be know. I never disliked any of you, but now? Still no hard feelings. It's a waste of time and energy to try and reason with ignorance. I do find it kind of sad that ignorance is what prevented a lot of you from being comfortable around me, especially given the fact there's more to me than Mega Man, music, furry [parasitic bomb], and flirting. But I don't guess any of that matters now or mattered beforehand. First impressions are a [sonic slicer] and no one likes to confront problems head-on in today's society. And so, they don't. Rather than try to sort the problem like mature individuals, they just "tolerate" it, as some of you have apparently tolerated me up to now. It's a shame. Some of you seemed to nice and seemed like you could be a lot of fun. But it was just never meant to be...[/spoiler]
I guess I learned a valuable lesson from this community. ... is what I'd like to say. But honestly, at this point, I'm not at all surprised at this sort of behavior. I've come to expect the two-faced behavior from people on the Internet. Because that's the whole point; people don't have to be themselves here. They can be whoever or whatever they want.
I am who I am. I do what the [tornado fang] I like, when I like, where I like. I don't need your approval, nor do I want it. I just wish this had all come to light sooner. Maybe, just maybe, I would've stayed in "my comfort zone" of the Fan Games section if I knew that several people here really, genuinely, did not like me. People I made the mistake of trusting. People who openly lied to me.
I came back to critique one fan game when I wasn't wanted.
I stayed to critique some other fan games despite the fact no one cared.
That's the image I cast and that's all I'll ever be to you people.
So be it. My time here is at an end.